Are Boundaries Hard for You?

defiance defiant parenting parenting myths parenting styles strong-willed kids warmth Nov 16, 2021
Are Boundaries Hard for You?

Today’s lesson will be more for us parents who find it hard to set boundaries.  We’re each unique, so there may be more reasons than what we list below.  Think of any that you would add to this list.

Let’s explore some common reasons:

We feel mean.

Having rules or limitations/boundaries could feel a little bit harsh and mean. 

But we want to really help you realize that having a boundary isn’t mean. Boundaries help take care of you as an individual and it models for your kids that they get to have boundaries too.  We are also more capable of enjoying our children when we feel like they are respectful and responsible.

It feels inconvenient.

Setting good boundaries and keeping those, especially with kids who like to test them frequently, feels like a lot of work.

What we want to encourage parents to see is that if you are really consistent with boundaries, things will become more convenient. You will see less defiant behavior, you start to experience peace at home, and kids will be more responsible & respectful.

It feels restrictive.

Saying something like, “You can do screens after you’ve completed your chores and homework” may feel like you're holding your child back or restricting them from having fun.

Remember that you are setting these boundaries to make your kids become the best version of themselves.

We think the child isn’t capable yet.

There are certain boundaries we might be reluctant to hold. You might feel that your kids don’t have the capacity to do or not to do certain things. Or you may have a child with impulsivity and you may feel that they’re not capable of controlling their emotions.

We want you to see that your kids are strong and capable. And they need you to see that they're strong and capable, too. Giving them responsibilities and expectations- with a lot of warmth, empathy and love-will empower them and boost their self-confidence.

It may cause an emotional response in the child

Some of our kids may not want any boundaries because they want complete freedom. And when we set and keep a boundary, it elicits an emotional response from them. When that happens, we may start to fear the explosion and back off from holding boundaries.

When we choose to back off and not to be firm on those boundaries, that will only reinforce to our kids that they can get what they want if they just throw a fit. 

It’s super important to establish boundaries in your home around respect & responsibility and to stay firm with those regardless of the response. We understand that this may not be easy. They’re real reasons. But we want to look forward to the goal that we’re trying to reach by setting boundaries, which is to have a happy home with kids who are respectful and responsible.

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