Avoid this parenting mistake, pretty please!

consequences defiance defiant parenting parenting myths parenting styles strong-willed kids warmth Feb 15, 2022
Avoid this parenting mistake, pretty please!

Last week we talked about the importance of ownership.  We want to drive the message home even more by sharing a real-life example that we want you to avoid.

We know of a young man who got a ticket for street racing with his friends. He got a ticket for driving at 100mi/hr in a 45mi/hr zone

His parents paid for the ticket. 

In that situation, notice the words in bold. 

Who was the owner of the choice? The owner of the choice was the child. 

What was the choice? His choice was to go over the speed limit.

What was the outcome of the choice? The outcome was that he was caught and he got a ticket. Who took ownership of the consequence? His parents took on the ownership of the consequence. 

Remember this: Whoever is taking on the ownership is going to be the one who’s motivated to change.

In this situation, who do you think wanted change to happen? Do you think the boy who gets to drive again without facing the consequence is the one who is motivated for change to happen? 

Not at all. It’s the parents. 

The story is not over yet. The young man went out the next week to go drag racing again. He got caught and got another ticket. See that the young man did not change because he was not the one who faced the consequence of his first choice. 

I want you to memorize this: The owner of the choice NEEDS to be the owner of the consequence. 

If you want your kids to change for the better, you must let them own the uncomfortable outcomes of their choices! It’s hard to do at times, but the long-term results are what you want.  We promise that taking ownership or shielding your kids from the outcomes of their choices will not do them any favors in the end.


Hear several examples of how to do this in real life in our free parenting class. These examples really will help!

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