It's Time to Build Boundaries.Sep 21, 2021
What is a boundary?
Let’s use an analogy.
If you own a home, your property line is your boundary. You get to make the decisions about what happens within your property line. You get to choose the plants, the colors of your walls, your furniture, etc. Those choices are made based on what works for you and what doesn’t.
Also, as a homeowner, you are responsible for your home. It is not anyone else’s job to water your grass, fix broken things, or clean. That is all up to you.
This is why it’s called ownership. You are the owner of the property, the owner of the choices, and the owner of responsibility.
Each person is like a home. Picture an invisible circle around each human (my kids call it their bubble). This invisible circle is their property line. Each person owns themselves (it is not OK to be owned by others), each person gets to choose for themselves, and each person should be taking responsibility for themselves.
So as the owner of you, you get to make boundaries (rules) about how you will be treated and what is OK around you.
Now our kids are individuals too. They get to make choices for themselves as long as their choices don’t violate your personal boundaries.
Here’s an example:
My oldest loves music I don’t like and that I’d prefer for him to not listen to. However, he gets to choose for himself. So he can listen to it as long as no one else in the home can hear it. I honor his boundaries, he honors mine.
This is essential with strong-willed/defiant kids who will not be told what to do.
You say “You get to choose for you as long as your choice is not a problem for me or the household.”
What boundaries do you set at home? It is important that we set and honor our own personal boundaries even as we pour our attention into creating a warm and respectful environment for our kids.
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