Can We Control Our Kids?

defiance defiant parenting parenting myths parenting styles strong-willed kids warmth Nov 23, 2021
Can we control our kids?

Let’s now move on to the S in our WISER Parenting framework: Sharing control.

We talked about identifying boundaries, about your personal boundaries, and your home’s boundaries. You get to decide what those look like. 

We talked about what is within your control: your attitudes, feelings, choices, opinions, actions, efforts, words, and body.

Just like how you and your home have boundaries, your child also has boundaries. 

Imagine an invisible circle around them. Within that invisible circle are everything that is theirs and everything that is out of our control. 

You read that right. 

Their choices are within their control. So are their feelings and emotions. We can’t control whether our child is happy or sad. If they feel neglected by a friend. Or if they choose to be obedient.

As much as we’d want to, we can’t really reach into their brain and make them choose certain things. We don’t have control over their attitudes, opinions, words, and actions either. We don’t have control over what effort they put into things nor what they choose to do with their bodies. 

This was so hard for me to realize and accept because I thought I had control over my kids. 

But the reality is that we don’t, we shouldn’t, and that’s okay. As a matter of fact, that’s healthy. 

What we really want for them is to exercise self-control. For them to have control over themselves by learning what their control leads to. 

Over the next few blog posts, we will be talking more about how to help our kids make healthy choices because it feels right to them. 

We also dive deeper into these in our free parenting class

For now, take this time to reflect. Is there anything within your child’s boundaries that you’re taking control over?

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