I Blew Up at My Child. Now What?

defiance defiant parenting parenting myths parenting styles strong-willed kids warmth Sep 14, 2021
I Blew Up at My Child. Now What?

Blowing up at a difficult child is a normal experience.  I can’t tell you the number of times I was at my wit's end and just lost it. Yelling at my child and throwing my own tantrum.

Or maybe you’re working on validation and you had an interaction with your child where you totally messed up.

Please, please be kind to yourself.  This is not the time to shame yourself.  Remember that you are a human doing the best you can in a hard situation.

Also, know that you're messing up and then making a “Relationship Repair” models critical life skills for your child.  One day, they will mess up and will hopefully follow your example of making things right.

So here are the steps when you recognize a “Relationship Rupture”:

  1. Recognize that your child is hurt
  2. Offer yourself a validating statement.  For example: "I was angry that my boundaries were crossed again.  That makes sense."
  3. State what you did to hurt them (don’t try to justify yourself).
  4. Let them know you are sorry.
  5. Put a period.

It’s hard to stop there. We want to justify ourselves or let them know why they made us do what we did.  But relationship repairs are not about us.  Relationship repairs are about seeing the heart of the other person.

This doesn’t mean living without boundaries.  Boundaries is one of the parenting laws we discuss in our coaching program.  Be sure to check out this link if you want to learn more about holding boundaries with a defiant child.

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