Ground Rules for Control Pt. 1

defiance defiant parenting parenting myths parenting styles strong-willed kids warmth Dec 21, 2021
Ground Rules for Control Pt. 1

Let’s talk about some ground rules for control. 

When we taught you about boundaries, we shared the analogy of cow ranchers. They make sure to check and tighten boundaries each day so that even as the cow leans up against it and tests it, they know that they can’t get past it. 

If you have a ton of boundaries on your kids, you are gonna have so many fences to tighten multiple times each day. You’re going to exhaust yourself and your kids will feel like prisoners.

How do we prevent this from happening? 

Choose your battles. You decide what is non-negotiable to you versus what things you can give control over as long as it’s not causing harm for other people.

In our home, respect is non-negotiable. It’s important that each of us feels physically and emotionally safe when we are with each other. That is a boundary that I am willing to be tight on every single day.

Whether or not my kids brush their teeth or not is something I can let go of. If they’re not brushing their teeth, I can allow them to experience the consequences of their actions such as paying for their cavities or have kids at school tell them their breath is smelly. 

Stick to your guns on what really matters. With just a handful of non-negotiables, we are more able to be firm with each boundary we set. So once you’ve identified your non-negotiables, stick to them no matter what. 


What are your non-negotiables? How about your negotiable boundaries? It’s good to discuss this with your parenting partner so you are able to pin down the most important ones and make the commitment to be firm on each one down the road. For more information, you may check out our free parenting class where we discuss this in more detail.

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