Ownership

consequences defiance defiant parenting parenting myths parenting styles strong-willed kids warmth Feb 08, 2022
Ownership

Another reason why consequences are so effective is that it allows the owner of the choice to be the owner of the consequence. This is such a powerful teacher for our kids. And here’s why:

We all crave comfort. And our brain will try to avoid things that will bring discomfort into our lives. This is why none of us are putting our hands in hot burners after having done that once as a kid.

When you allow your child to be the owner of the natural outcome of their choice and if it’s an uncomfortable outcome then your child’s brain will start to say, “That was uncomfortable and I really want to avoid that in the future.” 

In our work with parents, sometimes they’re nervous to give consequences to kids. They’re afraid that the discomfort of the consequence is going to hurt their child in some way and they end up rescuing their kids from the consequences. 

We understand where the fear is coming from but we really want to emphasize that this is going to empower your kids. The sooner they realize that the quality of their life is dependent on the quality of their choices, the sooner they get a better grip of the wheel of their own car. They will realize, “I am not a victim of life,” and “I am not a victim of my circumstances. I am a powerful and capable individual who can make choices that lead to certain outcomes”

50 years of research proves this to be true: that having limits with consequences all done with love leads to the best outcomes. 

So we want you to be more confident in the fact that consequences are going to be one of the best teachers for your kids and empower them for life, and having this as an anchor in your parenting will foster a healthier relationship with your child. 

Hear several examples of how to do this in real life in our free parenting class. We hope to see you there!

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