Parenting Tips at a Glance

defiance defiant parenting parenting myths warmth Jul 13, 2021

Welcome to our blog series “Parenting Tips at a Glance”.

The purpose of these posts is to give you weekly, bite-sized pieces of guidance for parenting the strong-willed/defiant child.

We know you’re overwhelmed, so we hope this approach is manageable and life-changing for you.

Where do we start?

With developing a deep connection with our child.

You might be irritated that we’re starting our parenting tips talking about connection with your child.  

After all, the defiant child is harder to parent and usually more difficult to connect with than “regular” kids. You may feel you deserve a trophy just for not beating them (you do, by the way).

We hear you.  120%.

I (Celeste) didn’t know just how angry I could be with another human until I started parenting my defiant child.  I loved her, but rarely felt a deep connection with her.

Then Janet and a lot of research I was reading in school, taught me that the lack of connection was part of the problem (cue wanting to punch someone in the face).

But I accepted the need to work on feeling warm feelings towards my child.  

It didn’t fix everything, but it helped A LOT.

Even our pain-in-the-rear kids need to feel loved by their own parents.

It’s not an easy ask for parents of defiant kids-parents whose boundaries are being tested, whose requests cause a power struggle, whose values are sometimes rejected.

However, we want our kids to feel connected to us for 3 main reasons:

  1. We want to make our home a safe environment for them.
  2. We don’t want them to look for connection and acceptance somewhere else.
  3. We want them to be receptive to us when we guide their behavior.

I invite you to reflect on your home environment. 

Do your kids feel warmth towards your defiant child? 

If not, zero judgment from us.  

In the next few blog posts, we’ll explore some ways to feel greater warmth for and connection with our difficult kids.

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