Ground Rules You Must Follow When Validating

defiance defiant parenting parenting myths parenting styles strong-willed kids warmth Sep 07, 2021
Ground Rules You Must Follow When Validating

When validating our children's experiences, we need to bear in mind some ground rules. 

When our kids open up about their experiences, our instinct might be to comment or correct. We can either go into full-on problem-solving mode, causing our kids to emotionally shut down. 

Or we can listen.

As we approach our child, we need to bear in mind some ground rules.

Validation Ground Rules:

  1. No minimizing their situation.
  2. No correcting their emotions.
  3. Validate their feelings.
  4. Help them unpack their feelings by inquiring about 3-5 emotions.
  5. No problem solving or cheering them up.
  6. No siding with the enemy.
  7. No criticizing.
  8. No switching topics.
  9. Don’t get defensive.
  10. Offer a physical gesture they are comfortable with. 

We won’t get to follow all these rules 100% of the time. That’s okay. And when we do slip up, it’s important that we do relationship repair. We’ll teach you about that in the next email.

It’s hard to validate our kids when they make a mistake But being a safe space for them, especially in their low moments, will open doors for them to learn from their mistakes or ask us for help. 

For now, practice validating your child daily while following the ground rules. Remember to be kind to yourself as you are practicing this new skill.

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